Attachment Theory - How Your Childhood Affects Your Love Style

20. mai. 2019
1 579 268 Ganger

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We all handle relationships in different ways. One powerful way to understand these differences is through the lens of Attachment Theory. According to psychologists, there are four main “attachment styles” which have a profound effect on our relationships.
In this video, we’ll break down these different styles using some iconic characters, and show how you can use this knowledge to improve your relationships with everyone around you.

0:20 - Style #1: Avoidant
3:01 - Style #2: Anxious
6:03 - Style #3: Fearful
9:27 - Style #4: Secure
#SelfDevelopment #CharismaOnCommand #AttachmentTheory
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  • Oh I am fvcked...neither of my parents were around during my formative years mum was so emotionally absent...still is...

    flower_ girlflower_ girl23 timer siden
  • I already told Anakin, don't try it.

    Obi-Wan KenobiObi-Wan KenobiDag siden
  • not gonna lie, the fearful one made me tear up because thats exactly how i act with my mom, its not intentional but it connects with number 1. i guess im scared of having a connection with her again cuz the first time around it didnt go so well. i really liked this video.

    Adriana CollazoAdriana Collazo2 dager siden
  • Why do I carry at least one minor trait of all of these?

    Dom DomDom Dom2 dager siden
  • why is it that most of these people are obsessed with wanting to be like any of the first 3? Why is it that a lot of people feel the need to be faulty?

    Abhishek KashyapAbhishek Kashyap2 dager siden
  • Secure type, yess!

    Deadland PlaceboDeadland Placebo3 dager siden
  • It’s interesting how this plays into bpd

    CorasCoras3 dager siden
  • Trust is nessasary.

    Kassandra SabeanKassandra Sabean3 dager siden
  • Thank you for calling out The Notebook for the toxic and manipulative relationship.

    Wade BWade B4 dager siden
  • anyone else dismissive-avoidant? lmao

    RoslynMusicRoslynMusic4 dager siden
  • So you’re saying the anxious type is a simp

    SpartanGuardian 2099SpartanGuardian 20995 dager siden
  • I would say that im secure....but I tend to be avoidant in the beginning when I meet someone, which maybe sends out mixed flags idk actually

    Simon HenrikssonSimon Henriksson6 dager siden
  • From my perspective this is a highly inacurate model to catagorise people. I personally recognise parts of me in all of the types except the avoidant and I expect alot of people do.

    Tom deVisserTom deVisser6 dager siden
  • Definitely fearful

    Bauk LauBauk Lau6 dager siden
  • Wow! I'm completely avoidant

    William McGarveyWilliam McGarvey7 dager siden
  • Now I know why I related to Tony Stark so much 😬

    Vicky SCVicky SC7 dager siden
  • The thing is I can’t tell which one I’m being at a certain time. If I let myself be vulnerable, I feel like I’ve become anxious. If I’m secure, I stop telling people my emotions and I feel like that’s avoidance. Like, if I tend to avoid arguments for the sake of a relationship, is that normal? If I rarely speak about emotions, is that being avoidant? This is just a question that keeps coming up.

    Dragonshot67 8Dragonshot67 88 dager siden
  • Hey Charlie- thanks so much man. This is something that sometimes shows up in my life that I need to remember and not let myself go into avoidance or anxiety.

    Dragonshot67 8Dragonshot67 88 dager siden
  • Yee. I think the way to be secure is to realize that if you were on your own the entire time, you would have enough to be okay but there’s no point I’m not connecting with people. Every time I get asked to hang out, I just think, what would be more fun, being on my own, or being with them? And whichever the answer is I go do it. Either would be fine, but I go with the better one. That’s the mindset that helps me be secure.

    Dragonshot67 8Dragonshot67 89 dager siden
  • Definitely " *Fearful* "

    Zoey KirituZoey Kiritu11 dager siden
  • I used to be the Avoidant type but once I got the help I needed I’m more like of the secure type. Not to say I don’t ever get anxious or fearful when it comes to new relationships.

    Aura BearAura Bear11 dager siden
  • I'm Iron Man and some parts of Will. My husband is Captian all makes sense now.

    Te'Anna HealyTe'Anna Healy12 dager siden
  • I'm Fearful

    tuisctuisc12 dager siden
  • I'm what you call in denial

    bob bobbob bob13 dager siden
  • Good video 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

    I have a unique perspective on The worldI have a unique perspective on The world14 dager siden
  • I am fearful but try to show myself secure but people think I am avoidant

  • What happens if you're all four? 👀

    Phoenix LillyPhoenix Lilly19 dager siden
  • Mgtow

    DOMINO UKAE The Furry OtakuDOMINO UKAE The Furry Otaku22 dager siden
  • Oof 😅 I guess I knew I was the avoidant type . But not without fearful sprinkles .

    _AD MW__AD MW_25 dager siden
  • god damn, number 2 hit it so right on the nail for me, i almost feel personally attacked XD

    JonioyJonioy25 dager siden
  • I think i am about 60% fearful 30% avoidant and 10% anxious. I manage to even sabotage every friendship and kick everyone away from myself. I think that needs to be the best combination. ( ;

    Philip GeigerPhilip Geiger26 dager siden
  • I think I'm fearful, though not violent like the video kind of portrays, but I'm not entirely sure.

    Katherine KauffmanKatherine Kauffman28 dager siden
  • Cool so I'm a mix of fearful and avoidant the worst two lmao, guess I'll just stay single forever

    Abi LeaAbi Lea28 dager siden
  • ı think ım usualy the secure type but then again ım also like the anxious type. ı was a loved child so uumm thats pretty obvious.

    AquilaAquila29 dager siden
  • I’m definitely secure and anxious type

    Stay woke My childStay woke My child29 dager siden
  • Sounds like bllsh*t woke, propaganda. Get you to fall in line of media understanding of human emotions. It far more complicated than that.

    satyrmesatyrme29 dager siden
  • I'm the one that acts like the avoidant but deep down is the anxious one I-

    Nehla. Jahangiri.Nehla. Jahangiri.Måned siden
  • I'm a mix of secure and anxious

    DelwolfDelwolfMåned siden
  • Wow Im definitely the anxious type.

    Michelle SinMichelle SinMåned siden
  • i don't even know what i am, i am not afraid of loving someone and not loved back. i want the intimacy, i want a classical, romantic, elegant relationships where we can go to old cinemas and always wear suits and drink wine, i reall do. i always look out for someone. but whenever i happen to like someone and starting to date them (which happens sometimes, i am not avoiding dating or i'm not afraid of asking boys out) my brain just finds every single bad aspect of the person in front of me and then i got anxious over that they like me more than i like them or that i really am not in love, so why waste both of us' time, why break their heart. so i ended up ending the relationships, staying friends etc. all of my relationships ended because of that

    élan vagaryélan vagaryMåned siden
  • I finally understand why my friend's affection creeped me out so much - I'm avoidant, he's anxious... awesome combo...

    Anastasia CooperAnastasia CooperMåned siden
  • Wow, I never knew I was an avoidant.

    Zeynep KZeynep KMåned siden
  • Is there a Spanish version of this video???

    Qualeil MillerQualeil MillerMåned siden
  • A great illustration of the attachment styles, one of the best I've seen.

    Eric LarsonEric LarsonMåned siden
  • Nebula is definitely not fearful, she has ptsd and is traumatized

    Xian The GaianXian The GaianMåned siden
  • Anakin kinda looks like the guy from the jumper

    Xian The GaianXian The GaianMåned siden
  • Great job with this video! You clearly studied this topic and took it seriously. It was very important for me to learn this about myself and I love that you included advice for improving attachments. Using examples from pop culture was also helpful for understanding. Thank you very much for making this!

    Void for NoblesVoid for NoblesMåned siden
  • I'm a mix of avoidance and secure.

    ICYICYMåned siden
  • I’m secure avoidant 70- 30

    David GonzalezDavid GonzalezMåned siden
  • are these the wrong type of attachments or are they present in the normal person ?

    Dr RanajayDr RanajayMåned siden
  • This video has been really helpful in informing how I interact with everyone. Some friends need a lot of reassurance, others get deeply uncomfortable about any talk of emotion, knowing how to behave around which person can improve your relationships instantly.

    Connor CoulsonConnor CoulsonMåned siden
  • 4 outta 4 ain't bad

    VincenzOKVincenzOKMåned siden
  • I'm the first 3 LMAO

    J. M. PérezJ. M. PérezMåned siden
  • I feel lost as I've been two of these at separate times before.

    Vaughan SealeyVaughan SealeyMåned siden
  • Raising hands for the secure type here coz there's not enough in the comment section

    Onaji DeshouOnaji DeshouMåned siden
  • Wooooo I am the fearful type :D

    alexis hayashialexis hayashiMåned siden
  • Went from Anxious type to Secure Type, feels much better 🙌🏼 🎉

    aeroll_hqaeroll_hqMåned siden
  • So ... All of them , but only the bad aspect of it. Oh man, do I love myself.

    E-Motion LessE-Motion LessMåned siden
  • I'm an anxious type and my girl was an avoidant type... RIP

    AN4K1N_EXEAN4K1N_EXEMåned siden
  • At least I have something in common with Tony Stark. I’d rather have the billion dollars.

    Jason SandsJason SandsMåned siden
  • Seeing this video l feel very lonely 😔😣😣😞😞😟😟😭😭😭😭

    sentry vlogsentry vlogMåned siden
  • Avoidant = Bad Boy? That's my read.

    ldl147ldl147Måned siden
  • I love this video and use it all the time - I ask my clients to watch it but having watched the Notebook this evening I don’t think it’s a good example of anxious attachment . Ryan Gosling comes across as a more secure attachment to me . Can you explain your reasoning ? The clip you show does not take in account that at one point he says he has recovered from losing her once and can do it again. Does that not state a confidence within himself ?? Therefore secure. or have I misunderstood ?

    Elizabeth WicksElizabeth Wicks2 måneder siden
  • Avoidant: That's Me.

    George TurnerGeorge Turner2 måneder siden
  • I dont feel like i fit into any of these, I feel like I cant love.

    artum1s_artum1s_2 måneder siden
  • Anxious gang

    Jason HeJason He2 måneder siden
  • Well I'm the avoiding type 😶

    madeleine mmadeleine m2 måneder siden
  • oh what a life to have an secure attachment style.. i think thats like one of my biggest goal. guess which one i have

    _ C H Y_ C H Y2 måneder siden
  • Ehh im a mix of avoidant and secure, it feels wird showing feelings to people, its cheesy, but I believe I have the strength to handle loss.

    th0tslayer rockyth0tslayer rocky2 måneder siden
  • I think I’m an avoidant and an anxious type what

    Kai RKai R2 måneder siden
  • My friends hates it whenever i joke on a serious moment or when one of them is having a mental breakdown lol.. Now i got an excuse. "Sorry guys, my attachment style is Avoidant"

    Poop SpaghettiPoop Spaghetti2 måneder siden
  • apparently im 1 and 4, hows that make sense?

    Cole HealeyCole Healey2 måneder siden
  • Where my anxious types @??

    halodude723halodude7232 måneder siden
  • The moment anxious style came, I knew.. Yeah, that's literally 100% taken from me and my life XD

    Epix Eurovision GuyEpix Eurovision Guy2 måneder siden
  • Uhhhh I don’t slightly fit any of these. What?

    WindmillWindmill2 måneder siden
  • Well yikes, I'm most definitely a fearful type, pray for me y'all

    ElitePumpkinElitePumpkin2 måneder siden
  • I love how almost no one is the secure type.

    Geneva BrownGeneva Brown2 måneder siden
  • I'm Anakin

    BREAKHOLD!BREAKHOLD!2 måneder siden
  • The more i think about it, the clearer it is that I sabotage everyone of my relationships before the other person can reject me

    Abi LeaAbi Lea2 måneder siden
  • According to this classification I am avoidant, anxious and fearful. What the heck.

    Mona SaidMona Said2 måneder siden
  • well im definitely a secure type..

    Aldave DesierdoAldave Desierdo2 måneder siden
  • Fearful/avoidant but getting more secure due to healing the inner child wounds

    Miroslava FiladovaMiroslava Filadova2 måneder siden
  • The thought of just looking someone in the eyes like a close friend or family member, and telling them I love them just makes me feel so uncomfortable hahah. I’m definitely avoidant type.

    Mafia1997Mafia19972 måneder siden
  • I lost my father at a young age,he was a fit guy and we had a perfect family. Unknowilging he had a heart condition .this has made me very over protective over the people I love

    JsmittyjrJsmittyjr2 måneder siden
  • The avoidant clearly explains Chandler's use of humor as a defense mechanism.

    Zia FarhanZia Farhan2 måneder siden
  • Fearful is it the same as disorganized ??

    DrSadAngelDrSadAngel2 måneder siden
  • Soooo what do you do if you're a secure anxious person dating an avoidant?...

    It's Made by MasonIt's Made by Mason2 måneder siden
  • I thought I wouldn't like this, but Charlie, you did a great job,

    Laniakea -000-Laniakea -000-2 måneder siden
  • I'm literally avoidant because i'm anxious and it makes me very slightly fearful as well

    It's SunnyツIt's Sunnyツ2 måneder siden
  • Im anxious...definitely. Every time I meet someone I immediately start looking for the signs he doesn’t really like me, I look for the “catch”. It’s so text book that is depressing. My father was a volatile angry man, I never knew if I was going to get a kiss or a slap from him....not sure if that’s the reason but is the one I can think of

    Y VazY Vaz2 måneder siden
  • I took a quiz and I got basically equal of all of the types⁉️

    Emily WallaceEmily Wallace2 måneder siden
  • I am part of the secure gang. But even us will have glimmers of each of the others.

    KirkKirk2 måneder siden
  • my mother just sent this to me. i think she's trying to tell me that i'm awful with relationships.

    have a nice dayhave a nice day2 måneder siden
  • Had a great family and upbringing yet I still am a mess.

    Titanius AnglesmithTitanius Anglesmith2 måneder siden
  • idc the notebook is my fav movie and if I don't get a guy like him then I don't want it

    Paige VlahopoulosPaige Vlahopoulos2 måneder siden
  • The anxious type is complicated because it seems like they desire closeness and they don't run away from it, it runs away from them, making it appear as if the problem is exterior because no one seems to want them. They're left with the feeling that there's something wrong with them, but have no idea what it is, which lowers self esteem further. Only when they can see the problem is within them that new possibilities emerge. Good video on this topic. I've watched several, looking for the best ones to share. This one is one of the best ones. *NOTE: anxious types don't always try to seek security by needing to be in relationships. Some repel partners, and go through long periods of being single, then work to find ways to enjoy being alone, by doing what you suggest. Engaging in activities without others... But the desire for connection and affection remains. They just feel a bit powerless over how to get it, so they adjust to loneliness and that's dangerous because even western medicine will admit loneliness can kill a person.

    Amber Scott CMTAmber Scott CMT3 måneder siden
  • So basically anxious are simps

    Fraser LynessFraser Lyness3 måneder siden
  • Sad that INFPs are avoidant and anxious. Craving deeper connection but afraid of committing

    Jo RisJo Ris3 måneder siden
  • I bounced between avoidant and anxious for a while and did not have a good upbringing. I may have been fearful I'm not entirely sure. At this point I believe I'm secure or at least close to it

    Pasha BPasha B3 måneder siden
  • You are telling me that I am a rarity but that I need professional help; make up your mind y'all.

    debie gzdebie gz3 måneder siden